I received my first negative feedback from my blog yesterday. It wasn't a posted comment, but someone I know, criticizing me face to face.
You see, I post about my victories and triumphs as well as my failures. If I skip a workout or eat something awful, I confess it on my blog. Showing you one side of things (only my great workouts and clean eats) would be misrepresenting myself. I think it's important for readers to understand my struggles and know that they aren't alone if they, too, sometimes struggle to fit in every workout and cave to the temptation of ice cream.
One of the reasons I started this blog was to be more open with my life. Because I grew up in a hyper-critical household, I am very closed off. (Note: It was also a giving household. I love my family very much and am very thankful for them and the opportunities I have because of their hard work.) I don't share much of my life with anyone, because I don't want my decisions and choices to be picked apart. Recently, it's something I have been struggling with, because I now fear it will keep me from ever truly being close with anyone.
Of all people that should know this about me, my criticizer should. She, in a very judgemental tone, asked "When was the last time you even went to CrossFit?" Then said she noticed on blog post I skipped Tuesday's WOD. She was drinking, and I will give her the benefit of the doubt that she wouldn't have said it sober. The thing is, she knows how busy I've been and on top of that, I'm the one that convinced her to join our box. It was a slap in the face.
When I woke up this morning, my first thought was I can't blog anymore. If this is going to be a source of criticism and judgement, I don't need it. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that would be cutting off my nose to spite my face. (A phrase I love, and something I do often. I can be quite spiteful.) I can't let one little comment stop me from doing something I enjoy. Most feedback I get through my little space of the blogosphere is positive and encouraging. Why should I let a bully keep me from doing something I enjoy?
People will always judge and criticize. It's inevitable. All I can do is live my life in an honest way and let the comments roll of my back. This particular comment stung extra hard because it was from someone I didn't expect about something I have been feeling guilt.
So, even though I planned to go to CrossFit this morning, I slightly overslept. I eased my guilt of playing hookey (again) by doing a warm up of 4 minutes of jump rope, 20 push ups, 20 burpees, 20 squats, and 20 sit ups. Then, I did a tabata workout of squats, push ups, sit ups, and burpees. (If you don't know what tabata is, here is an article that explains it in a simple way.) My glutes and arms BURN! Oh, and I'm going to try my hardest to make this WOD this afternoon. More push ups and squats? Why not!
How do you handle criticism? If you're a blogger, has it ever made you consider quitting your blog?
glad to hear you aren't giving up, my friend!! Another great thing about blogging our hits and misses is that it keeps us accountable to OURSELVES, too.
ReplyDeleteAlso - it helps to remember that we each choose our own "bad" and "good" - [this is something I’m constantly reminding myself as of late. What I see as a “good” thing may be a “bad” thing to someone else – and in reality, it’s probably not good OR bad – it just is a THING.] While your drinking judgmental pal may see your missed WOD as a "bad" thing, I choose to see it as a "good" thing. When you are passionate about something [you and crossfit, for example], you most like are missing out on participating for a reason - and no matter what that reason is, it's your choice to make.
I feel like I'm not doing a good job of explaining myself here, so let me give an example:
I am a runner. I like running. I do it for a billion reasons. and so on.
So, when I go a week without a run, there is usually a reason. Sometimes the reason is because I am tired/injured - meaning, that my body needs the rest. So not running is a GOOD thing.
Sometimes I am busy. I have work dinners, or internet responsibilities [that blog's not going to update itself, you know? ;) ], or I've triple booked myself for the evening. In these cases, other parts of my life take priority over running that week. I think this is a good thing because my life does not, and SHOULD NOT!, revolve around running 100% of the time. I have several priorities in my life [family, work, blog, HLB, running, cooking, etc.] and they all take a turn at being the #1 priority in my life from time to time. And I think that is healthy.
Other times I'm just lazy. [laziness can be classified as good OR bad – but truly, it’s just LAZINESS. We make it more than what it is!!]
Not running because I’m lazy usually happens after I've gone several weeks without a run. [aka: the snowy, cold winters!] In times like these it's GOOD for me to hear "umm...when was the last time you ran?" because I often need the "smack in my face" reminder that I am neglecting a hobby I truly enjoy and know is good for me, to boot! [I especially need to hear it during times I am whining about stalled weight loss, complaining about my body while I look in the mirror, or am struggling feeling the best about myself!]
Now - do I think your judgmental drinking pal was justified in saying that to you? Not necessarily - but remember that she may be the kind of person that WANTS to be pushed to stay on top of keeping crossfit/fitness a high priority right now, and therefore her subconscious naturally assumes others feel the same way. I suggest pointing out when she moves her fitness time to the back burner - then allow it to be a conversation opener for her comments about you and how they made you feel. She may not realize she hurt your feelings or crossed a line. And if she did/said it on purpose to hurt you, then I say axe her out of your life ;) She seems a bit jealous of all you have going for you, anyway! xo
Thanks for the insight. We talked about it and everything is fine between us, now. And you are absolutely right about life not revlovling around running/crossfit/exercise! Sometimes, I feel like happy hour is healthier for me than going to the gym because I need that mental break!
DeleteHow do I handle criticism? So many ways, depending on what's already gone wrong (or right) recently. Sometimes I brush it off. Sometimes I'm not the bigger person, and I criticize back. I'm not a big crier, but that's been the outcome a time or two. What I usually don't do is quit - not because I'm so evolved or anything, but because I'm insanely stubborn and don't want to give my critic the satisfaction of knowing they were right and I suck so much at X that they helped me realize its not worth my effort to do it.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're not quitting - and more glad you're staying in it for "the right reason" (because you enjoy it).
Hang in there!
Thanks, Mia! You are too sweet!
DeletePlease don't quit blogging. I feel like we have so much in common and I've enjoyed 'getting to know you' via your blog. I am a pretty private, closed off person too. The only person I am pretty honest with is my mom, dad, and sister. I don't exactly handle criticism well or at all. I take a lot personally right away. After a bit of time I can work through criticism and either see value in it or give me a self-confidence boost.
ReplyDeleteKeep blogging or I'll miss you!!!
I'm not quitting, Emily! And I've enjoyed "getting to know you" too! :)
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